To ride or not to ride *yet*?

Day off (ish) & as per norm no lie in was possible as Martin really can’t be quiet. I’m sure his rule is “I’m up so everyone should be too”!
Got to stable to find it empty apart from a beaming Martin telling me he had found Eastar sleeping, so took him out since he disturb his slumber (wonders if I’ll be taken out too then?). I was looking forward to seeing Eastar 1st thing plus I’ve never seen him sleeping :’( tis not fair & I think may call for an early hours visit to his stable! Is that bad? OK yer I know it is. I’d just love to see him sleeping but he’s always up & ready to go no matter what time I go in (generally between 6.30am & 8am), but today Martin goes in at 7.30am “without the outer door waking Eastar”, better than that he has to tap the stable door while cooing to rouse the sleepy dumpling.. So not fair! GGGRRRR! I want to be the one cooing, but I have to admit it is nice how Martin has taken to Eastar; he simply wouldn’t give Riad (last horse) the time of day & certainly wouldn’t be anywhere near unless a fence or door was between them.

My plan today was to spend some time with Eastar & possibly ride, but with *big house* shopping along with more hoovering than expected, time ran away along with my energy. I don’t want to go round & spend snippets of time (I do that anyway with scratching or simply chilling), I want to spend a good couple of hours doing some ground work & move on if the feeling takes us. Tomorrow…. Turning in to Martin ekks!

The big plus-note for today is that Brian came up in the tractor & dragged away the last root ball that was blocking our track up the hill *yay*. I can’t wait to get up there & just ride! Going nowhere yet exploring it all :D It’ll be fabulous!
Although part (the sensible bit) of me thinks I need much more ground work & then I should tackle down the drive (which Eastar hated on our previous attempts) before I go up “into the all out open” of the Perthshire hills? Or is the openness the way to go? No sheltered scary drive?? Ohh I dunno?
My horse owning friends all think I should ride now & are unsure why I’m putting it off, but Shelley (NH/Parelli instructor) advised against for now. However the main thing that was putting (or should that be keeping) me off Eastars back was the fact of
seriously achy legs & long 12/16hrs shifts at work.

Ummm to do, what to do!?

Me & Horses (the history)

I thought some background information might be called for *well it’s being given anyway*.

I started riding at 7+yrs & got my first pony for my 9^th birthday. My Dad also had a horse but embarrassingly was into country & western shows (yer dressing up as cowboys & indians) so I blame him for me being dressed like an Indian & entering competitions at the local embankment. Thankfully the make-up & outfit disguised me enough for anyone to spot me despite it being in the paper *school could have been hell*. Sherry /my darling pony hated all the fuss of painting her hind & face, not to mention being confined in a stable for said torture to happen! So in the end Dad let me give up & enter more girly friendly things like kiddie gymkhana (we avoid “Best turned out” though as she really hated all kinds of fuss, plaits, dressing up & so did I).  A couple of years later & circumstances change so Sherry is put on loan to a friend before being sold :’( 

Fast forward 13yrs (give or take)…. Riad is the next horse who was a shared horse with my best friend Heather. Riad was an ex Point-to-point who could be lively & wasn’t the smallest of chaps.  I didn’t have Riad for long as I became injured only a few months after getting him (from falling down some stairs) so Heather took him on alone since I couldn’t even muck out & had no chance of riding in at least 12 months (it took 5+ years to become pain free in the end).

I had longed for a horse & now lived at a house that had it's own stables so the need only grew. After 3 years of empty stables I decide it had to be now & after much trawling Heather finds an add for "A Big Bay Gentleman". We meet, I fall in love & so my dream becomes!

I had always thought horse knowledge (like riding a bike) never leaves you & I never gave a thought to “if I still knew enough”.

Almost as soon as Eastar arrived all the knowledge I thought I had was simply gone & it had also taken a shed load of confidence with it too!

Reality hits, it was 24yrs ago that I knew anything about horses & then I was just a wee kid doing it mostly at weekends... After that Heather carried me through/was at my side & we did things together. Now Hebs is hundreds of miles away & I'm all alone * HUGE wobble*

In those first few days I honestly thought I remembered nothing (in the scale of things I don’t really, but it's more than enough to get by) even the basics I thought would be cool, were odd at first. He seemed so big, so strong, so?? I don’t know... not scary as such.. above me/to much for me?? Not sure that’s what I mean, but best I can do at min.... Of course Eastar sensed this & acted accordingly /like any prey animal around an uncertain predator, if she's unsure I want the hell out of here PANIC!!

Thankfully as I did the day to day stuff I realised the horse care knowledge was still there & my confidence was slowly coming back too. Then Shelley (natural horsemanship instructor) came for a free visit & showed me so much in 3hrs that Eastar's & my relationship has simply blossomed from there on in. I became more empowered/ more wisely confident & Eastar became almost instantly settled (found a leader worth being lead by). We play with a few of the Parelli games but mostly just hang out, with the odd stolen ride down the drive. I do think both my confidence & Eastar's trust in me has grown enough for us to try a gentle hack out, so that's the plan this week.

What I really need is someone locally who's sympathetic to both my "greenness" & Eastar's "Nervousness" who can show me how to lunge (something I've never done) & generally give me some tips on riding etc. I do plan to carry on with the Parelli, but I also want to ride!

Someone do a couple of online lessons please! (Parelli)

While the boss is away, the mice (or mouse in this case) will play!

A lazy start this morning :) umm always hard when she's away for the night... I did manage to drag myself into work by 11am (only 3 hrs late) & did a measly 3 out of 5 hours work! But in my defence.... I have tomorrow off yet have been asked to quickly hoover the hallways & stairs, plus do the shopping (and a few other bits n bobs)... See a day off never really is what it suggests here! Yer I think I can finish 2hrs short since shopping will take 2+hrs (including the drive into civilization) & the hoovering.. although doesn't sound much there's 3 flights of stairs & 5 hallways!!!  I'm convinced, are you?

Anywhos, Parelli is the word of the week!

I really need to put some work in with my big beastie before I book our next natural horsemanship lesson. We had homework to do last-time but it's been such a mad month we've done FA in truth. Yer I use the basic techniques to make everyday life easier, but that's about it & sadly even our "general everyday stuff" has been cut to 2 or 3 times a week this month due to work etc *my poor abused horse*

I wasn't sure "Parelli//Natural Horsemanship" was really something I had the time or inclination to get into (overpriced bollocks I think were my thoughts), but Eastar needs all the reassurance he can get & he responds really well to the Parelli techniques. I do have too say though, the basics of Parelli seem to be "common sense" & what we all do naturally around our horse/s. OK so some people go for the "beat the brute" approach, but that's never been me! I am however not the most patient of people *possibly understatement of the year* & would normally give a more (vocally & body language wise) aggressive (for want of a better word) approach to a misbehaving horse, which simply wouldn’t work with Eastar. The main issue I have with Parelli (apart from general cost of stuff needed) is that I’m finding learning really hard! I have read so much that my head spins with yo-yo's & porcupines, yet it still doesn't sink in (sometimes even make sense). I know this isn’t helped because overall I find “horsey language/terms” a mission to understand, so am battling that language barrier too.

Today I took another look at youtube as I really think watching is the way for me to learn, but sadly there's not that much on offer by way of lessons :( There are lots of amazing clips that make my heart ache with longing thoughts of Eastar & me being that close, but nothing I can really learn from. You can pick up things from some of the clips, but I need a "lesson-plan" approach rather than a "look how much we've learnt" one. Oh & yes I know there are DVD's out but they have a price tag that I refuse to pay/can’t afford!

Someone do a couple of on-line lessons please!

Other people's incompetence!

Decided I could sit waiting all bloody day for email to arrive, instead went to hunt-out food…. Being someone who’s around food all day, it’s amazing how little I eat & when I do it’s generally shit (quick ease grab stuff that takes no thinking). Today I missed breakfast, lunch & although clearly hungry, found myself cleaning the kitchen, hoovering through etc until my tummy finally demanded food & I grabbed for the weetabix!

Alas before I knew it the kids were on their way home & I still hadn’t got to Eastar (who was happily grazing) & enjoying the gardener throwing over leftovers from the veg patch.

Thankfully Martin had agreed to cook spag bol & by 4pm I was out where I’d longed to be for hrs! The sun had faded but that didn’t matter as there was nothing to do but have fun. No rota, no routine, just whatever we liked or took our fancy :D I took a couple of brushes because a scratch is always needed & I do like a sheep-poo free scratching area (call me picky).

Then comes the squealing (btw we don’t have pigs) & I realise Martin has gone to cut someone’s grass as a favour & the kids are arguing, plus demanding dinner! Pretty good timing as both me & the silly dumpling had been so engrossed in scratches, my foot had got underneath his hoof & boy does it hurt (don’t think any real damage). I stupidly went round to his field in silly lightweight shoes (as good as barefoot) & wasn’t paying attention so it’s my own fault.

Martin didn’t get home until coming on for 6pm, so it’s a good job I did dinner :D He means well it just seems to always work out in someone else’s favour, rather than mine!

**update**

BTW now 8pm gone & still no email grrrrr how hard is it to reply? A price is all I want, or even an email to say site is up & running sorry for delay! I guess it’s hard being perfect *can also confirm it's lonely* :D hahaha couldn't resist.

Stolen time isn't that great after all!

It's a lovely day today which I guess is helped not only with the sun glaring brightly (I know almost forgot it was Scotland...), but also that the boss left after breakfast leaving me to get on. I had Tracy Chapman blaring, the washing machine going non-stop, the bosses bed stripped, her room + bathroom cleaned & all other bedrooms rooms ready for this weekends guests, plus managed a little light dusting down stairs. If that wasn't enough I also did the shopping list & still left by 11am (amm-errr, who's telling?). I have 4 or 5 more loads of washing & a shed-load of ironing to put away, but I feel alot has been accomplished for one day & the sun is shining!!!

I can almost hear Eastar calling from his field *ok so reality is... he's scoffing & not that fussed either way*, but I have some sales to sort first (gggrrr). I know I should be grateful for sales, but in truth I find ebay a total chore & for soooo little too. I sell almost nothing these days but then again I simply don't have time to put into it, yet I still can't seem to shut down despite it bugging the shit out of me! I fell totally off the "Power Seller" ladder this week & in truth I couldn't give a feck! I guess my fees will rise a bit, but as I sell & list so little it will hardly make a difference. Maybe it's time the shop went too? Umm food for thought there! I need to do some math, but I truly think I need to close the shop & speed up the end of "whippy - the Queen of Cream".
That's decided then *I think* :D After all if it wasn't for that, I could be mucking the stable or even better riding Eastar. I came home from work early (as above) & planned to make the most of my stolen free-time with Eastar... Sadly as always I had to sort/check for sales first, put them through & now I'm awaiting a reply (ggrrr) from the girls in factory as one of the sites is screwed.

At least while waiting I've done the weekly shop (on-line) & am now blogging too! Wow check out super woman & her productive day *mind my dust though*  ;)

Soon I'll be out catching those rays & spending time with my big dumpling, that is if I break out within the next hour/before kids get home & want tea etc etc

Laters x

Sods law

Day off & it's raining! Ain't that just typical :( So I've retired back to bed for some brain numbing tv.

As it's my day off, I was wide awake by 7am *cheers Mart* so that was the lie-in fecked. Now the alarm man is here so I have sirens blaring everywhere, I had no warning & almost had a heart attack when it started. It's the big house alarm which is also connected to our house & the farm, so if it goes off we all know about it & are supposed to go running/ at least call to check all's ok. Just as I'm thinking "shit naked all but my dressing gown" in pops Martin shouting over the din "sorry was meant to tell you the alarm man is here"!

Did have fun with Eastar this morning though. He was very pleased to see me today (think he likes the dressing gown & boots look). We hung around on the forecourt for some socialising with Scooby-doo  (Newfoundland /Flatcoat cross) Eastar sniffing Scooby & Scooby not being quite so sure of something so big. You have to remember up until July Scooby-doo was the big bear of the pack, the bulshy young brute who tries to dominate all. Now all of a sudden there's an even bigger beast who Scoob's not quite so brave around :D He did lie still for quite awhile & allowed Eastar to sniff him (part laziness as Scooby never moves unless needs must) but then I think those big nostril became to much. Was really funny though to see him go around the back of Eastar & crane his neck in a desperate attempt to sniff Eastar's bum :D He's at least 3ft too short & when Eastar turned his head around it was as if he was saying "Don't even think it short-stuff cause I'm watching you" at which point Scooby came skulking back to the front. 

Lucky for Scooby Martin had come out meaning Eastar & I could find amusement elsewhere, so I let Eastar roam freely to investigate..... :D Eastar I'm sure looks to Martin as "treat man" (did try & tell him, but he who knows best LOL) so is always very interested in his arrival & will move around sniffing & lipping at his clothing :D Martin however is still a little terrified & jumpy (providing great fun for me). I told Mart to chill as I'm just trying to help him desensitise & he's 100% safe :D  

Don't worry, Martin is in no danger as Eastar is a sweetie. Yer he has his tantrums but this is generally if he thinks I've buggered off & he's left with nervous Martin as his only protection. Eastar is just a big scaredy-cat who took sometime to settle, maybe if we'd had a companion horse he would have settled quicker? But he certainly seems settled now & ready to teach me so much. He can easily be misunderstood & possibly Parelli techniques would do him the world of good? Now I have more time off work we can look into that a bit more.

Ohh almost forgot..... I have booked two tickets to see Monty Roberts at Gleneagles for October 2nd. Not sure who will come with me yet? I had thought Hebs would possibly like to come, but it is a massive journey up (darn good excuse for a visit mind) so we shall have to wait & see. Maybe it would be good for Martin to see?? He could learn something which could only help with his nervousness around horses?
As I say we shall see as I haven't really asked either, in fact Martin doesn't even know I've spent £50 on tickets :o) But it was my birthday money.

It's a strange day today....

All the guests have left the big-house (massive sigh of relief) & since the mad time is over it was also time for the staff to go home too :'(  I know Angie has driven me mad, but you can't help but love her! I got to work this morning to find her already & waiting to leave. There she sat in the kitchen (an hour early) with her coat on & her case beside her wearing the biggest smile I had ever seen :D After two weeks she'd realised she couldn't do it  but didn't want to let the boss down (who would have been more than happy to let her go home). Then this afternoon Lou left too!!! It was really sad to see her go as she's been a dream & is so so sweet that I'd adopt her if I could. Sadly her dad felt the need to take pictures of us together *oohh I so hate pictures*! I can't believe I agreed and so easily too... I can only guess that I was distracted by his oh so yummy accent (almost a pur, but more lion than cat).

So then there was just me :'( Plus washing mountain of course.... at least I won't be bored :)
I escaped at 1pm & left the boss to her lunch on the promise that I must go back to get the washing in soon, but other than that, that's me for the day & tomorrow too! *yay, yay & more bloody yay's!*

So it's finished! August has ended (all but a few stragglers next week) & overall it's been so much better than the usual exhaustion/nervous breakdown, thank goodness. This year we had half the amount of guests (possibly even a third), there were days off & although I thought it a myth... I actually got a student that worked & could even do so on her own initiative with no sulks, tantrums or arguing!

I think I'm going to get the washing in, so I can chill & not think about work for another  41+ hrs.

A massive flippin sigh, then another & another!

Days like these really piss me off! One sigh after another, teeth so clenched my jaw aches & my brow so furrowed my eyebrows are tickling my nose! What's wrong? Everything!

I know I'm just stressed & the fact that I was sick yesterday morning after taking my meds (meaning they didn't get chance to get into my system), then forgetting last-nights too hasn't helped to say the least. Add to that a stressed boss who snaps &/ complains she's tired! Ggrrr really gets me that kind of stupid comment... I'm running around like a twat wiping the arses of them all & she's got the cheek to tell me she's tired & stressed! Wake up & smell the coffee love.... You don't know what life is, no matter about fucking stress & tiredness! Harsh... Maybe, but I feel better so who cares.

Then of course there's my help... Angiee, a 200yr old Philipinoo lady who's loosing her marbles *putting it fecking mildly!* while giving mine a darn good bash too! The one year I get a good student who works off her own initiative/ is helpful, considerate & so sweet/nice (they do exists after all & I honestly could keep her as my own but fear I would be arrested for kidnap) I also get ANGIEEEE just to fuck me up! Gaud knows I try to love her & she is fab, but she's under my feet all the time, she walks behind me while i'm in front of my Aga /right in dangers way.... mid service too (hard when you can't see her at shoulder-blade height behind you), constantly telling the same story 6 to 8 times a day, 7 days a week, 5 weeks she's still here... AAGGGHHHHH! *you get me?*
And last, but by no means least.... On yes there's more stress bursting out of me yet! We have a house full of spoilt brats that need a darn good slap & parents that could do with one too at times! How can they sit chatting while their kids are squirting ketchup at each other & throwing water across the table? How can a kid get away with asking to go swimming (minus any please) & when the mother says "soon honey I have some-things to do first",  reply "well you better hurry up then!" I can tell you they don't speak to me like shit & neither will I take their crap aimed at my staff. One snotty nosed brat took the micky out of Louise's accent & then ordered her & Ellice to tidy her room.... I don't think so madam! This maybe a 9 bed mansion but I can tell you there ain't room for another bitch here & that's a cert!

Just having a quick scan back & there are a lot of explanation marks in that post & I bet most shouldn't be there?! :o) I'm so bad at grammar *as I'm sure you can tell from reading thus far* & I truly would love to understand/learn the correct use of punctuation etc.  Alas I'm short of a teacher :'(
I feel an idea coming on..... If you're a tad OCD about said matter I'm happy for you to copy this into a word doc, make corrections in red & email to me :D
I know peoples bad use of "your/ you're & there/their/they're etc really pisses me off.

Think I'm gonna finish here as this really is a fecked off rant with a dash of erratic pish... I need to brighten things back up, so think another post could be in order later today when I've cheered up spent time with Eastar & chilled :D

BTW... Can you tell I took last nights missed happy-pill & then todays am pill 2 hour later... Since then I've had 3x V&Cokes *all on empty tum.. tut tut* while writing this over a 3hr period, so am feeling much more chilled/slack jawed or should that be "slack fingered" lol, hence the waffling on openness. 

END NOW! 

Bank Holidays are pretty poo

I no longer remember what it's like to moan about Bank Holiday weather or dash off to DIY store as I always have to work them :'( *woe is me!*

This weekend has been busy & not that pleasant at times, sadly it's not even over yet as the guests are here until Tuesday.

Children! Actually other peoples (which are generally the worst kind) & some of the "more fortunate"... are truly the worst (just the kind I'd like to lock in the cellar). They get candle wax everywhere, press the serve/clear button repeatedly, are cheeky or darn right rude to my staff, have water pistols etc in bedrooms & cause so much mess which they never tidy.

Rugrats aside the weekend has gone smoothly so far & have had some really good comments about the food! The tomato & basil jelly with goats cheese went down really well last night, as did the slow roast pork & todays roast too.

I was so glad to get the evening off though, as my legs & feet are killing me. I spent some time with Eastar playing in his field, mainly chasing sheep & giving loads of scratches, then got him ready for Ellice to go for a ride as she'd been upset by those RATS!.. Umm sad as she was I couldn't resist so nipped off for a quick ride down the drive a couple of times. It was fabulous to be back in his saddle & things felt so much calmer. We didn't go far or for long & we didn't get any speed up either, but it really felt as if we rode as one (for first time). I so wanted it to last longer but poor Elle was nagging for me to hand him over :'( Alas only 7 to 10 days left of the mad time & then I can ride as much as I want :)